Directors Just Don't Understand

This week AMC's industry gabfest Sunday Morning Shootout was live (in front of a very lucky studio audience) at the Palm Springs Film Festival.  With the Golden Globes not being televised big name actors and directors have to show up to hustle for festival awards to keep their films in the hearts and minds of the Academy voters.

The first half of today's show was a roundtable discussion (of sorts) with four directors with films in competition: Joe Wright (Atonement), Adam Shankman (Hairspray), Jason Reitman (Juno) and John Sayles (Honeydripper).

Maybe it's because I've been watching campaign coverage in my every waking hour that I now see scheming and jabs in every public address.  But there was clearly no love lost between these guys.

:01 Sayles gives dignified response to self-distributing his film but wait... I'VE BEEN MAKING FILMS SINCE THESE JACKANAPES WERE IN DIAPERS AND NOW I HAVE TO DRIVE AROUND AMERICA WITH MY FILM IN THE TRUNK OF MY CAR. Fuck!

Shankman: I at least made a fun movie, unlike you sad sacks and OHHAI I've suffered the most! My film came out all the way in summer!

03: Reitman hates going to awards shows because he has to stop dressing like he's homeless.

Shankman: I love to dress up.. BECAUSE I AM GAY! This strike is lame and hitting Diablo Cody the hardest, and she will burn down the building if she wins the Golden Globe.

Reitman *death stare* 

Sayles: In addition to making more films than all of you assholes combined, I'm a member of WGA and you're all a bunch of corporate whores.

:06 Sayles: Just because your movie is a vanity project and your actors worked for scale doesn't make it INDIE... COUGH JUNO COUGH.

Reitman: At least I can follow a budget, old-timer.

Wright: I am artiste and know nothing of your 'budgets', I leave that to the ugly people.  Oh and BTW, I'm British and you Americans are all fat, lazy and dumb.

[ed note: It's going to take double the budget of Atonement to make a "Jamie Foxx homeless musician" movie?]

Peter Guber: Everyone has suffered more than Joe Wright... you lazy British prick.

:10 I think Jason Reitman made a joke but no one knows for sure.

Peter Bart: "Jason's a little smug because his film just passed $50M" (huge audience applause)

Reitman *death stare* (ed note: Why is this guy so angry?!)

Wright: Why are you fat, lazy Americans applauding money? You're all TRASH!

Reitman: Your wife likes my trash!

Sayles: What have I done to deserve this? (He says this more with his face than his words)

Cut to commercial, then a taped interview with Emile Hirsch. Sad! At this rate there would've been "yo mama" and hair pulling by the second commercial break.

Rest of the show:
Emile Hirsch: I lost so much weight! GIVE ME MY OSCAR!!

Top box office movies this weekend: the Bucket List and First Sunday. God help us all.

Peter Bart: Things were so much less depressing during WWII.

Peter Guber: Clearly indie films should be more like Spiderman 3.

And then came the locusts.